Try? There is no try. There is only do or not do.

--Yoda, The Empire Strikes Back

All the changes we've talked about thus far have been aimed in the same direction: expanding our ability to be responsible for ourselves and our thoughts, feelings, and actions.

Still, there's a further place that we can get to. Because while it's fine to accept ourselves exactly the way we are, it's even better to take responsibility for making ourselves exactly the way we want to be.

The problem is that change can't be forced. That touches back on one of the basic operating principles of the mind -- that what we resist persists.

So how do we change? How do we override the programs that have gotten us stuck and led us down the path of chemical abuse and dependency?

This issue is one that has intrigued human beings as long as we've been human beings, and something that's likely to hold our attention a good while longer.

Because the fact is that no matter what we ultimately do to make ourselves change, real transformation only comes from shifting our awareness -- by refocusing our attention, and becoming conscious of the often-unconscious mental machinery that runs our lives.

This is important stuff. Because in the act of observing our mental processes we create another layer of attention -- a level beyond ordinary awareness, one that allows us to become increasingly mindful of the conditioned responses, reflexes, and fears that, until now, have really run our lives.

And in generating this layer of awareness, we literally create possibility out of impossibility, which is the first step in transforming our lives.

The next step is to act.

In just refusing to run away from something, one gains the strength of two...

--The Way of the Samurai

That brings us to the issue of fear, which is something that most of us get to confront sooner or later in the recovery process.

In fact, recent studies show that many -- and perhaps most -- alcoholics drink to relieve symptoms of anxiety. And when you hold something down for as long as some of us have been holding down fear, it's bound to bounce back -- often with a vengeance.

In recovery, fear might come bounding back in the form of white-knuckled panic focused around specific situations or things (a fear of failure at a particular task, say, or an unease in meeting new people) or as a more general apprehension and dread.

But no matter what lights up the fear in your belly (and something does, for each of us), living with fear can be uncomfortable -- particularly when we've shut ourselves off from our favorite fear-dampening abusable substance.

As you might expect, lots of rationalizations and justifications surround the items we fear most. And equally unsurprising, standing up to fear can be a tricky process, particularly when it rears its ugly head in the middle of the vulnerability and uncertainty that takes place in recovery.

So where do you start if you want to stop fear from running you?

Right where you are. Begin by telling the truth about your feelings to yourself and by allowing things to be the way they are -- even if they seem lousy.

It's literally true that the things we resist persist, so until it's all right with you that certain things can trigger the jitters or even cold sweats, chances are good that those things will continue to run you -- whether you like it or not.

So begin by accepting, without judgment or self-criticism, yourself exactly the way you are. Don't beat yourself up because of your limitations -- or you'll only end up investing that much more energy in them.

The next step is to take responsibility for whatever you're afraid of.

Don't buy into the "poor me" script that you've unconsciously memorized about how things aren't your fault -- or the "too late now" script where you tell yourself that you've screwed things up so totally that you'll never be able to make things right.

The fact is that while your problems aren't your fault, they definitely are your responsibility once you open your eyes in the morning. So take full responsibility for who you are, where you are, right now. Don't resist. Just accept your life -- all of it -- the way that it is, the way you've made it. Then if you really want things to be different, take responsibility for having them be another way.

There, we said it -- the magic word in any program of recovery from anything: Responsibility. When we believe in it and act on it we literally produce magic in our lives. Fail to accept it or do anything about it and we watch the parade go by without us.

Often, taking responsibility for our lives leads us in the direction of fear itself. That's because we intuitively know that the only thing in our lives stronger than fear is courage, and the only way to summon courage is to create it by defying fear. In his essay "On Courage," Emerson put it this way: "Always do what you are afraid to do."

Believe it. Because it's the only way that it's done: We conquer fear by conquering fear. We don't do it by waiting until we feel stronger or until we think circumstances are better: We do it now or we don't do it at all.

Why not begin confronting your fears right now? Take a few minutes and list the situations that inspire the sweatiest palms or the biggest swarm of butterflies in your stomach. Then look over your list and rank the items in order of the fear they trigger.

Then come to terms with them. Don't resist them or hate them or come up with a "What, me worry?" sort of artificial optimism.

Just acknowledge that, yes, they sure do look familiar and, yes, they sure have run your life for a long time.

Then decide if you really want to come to grips with them. Maybe you don't want to (and maybe you don't even need to). If you decide you do, make another list -- this time of commitments you're willing to make to increase your ability to cope with whatever it is you haven't been coping with.

Then do something. If you're afraid your marriage is falling apart, do something to fix it or at least to focus your ability to see the problem. If you're afraid of leaving your house or apartment, commit to some activity that will force you out, even if it's only to keep an appointment with a therapist. If you're afraid of speaking in public, sign up for a public speaking course at a local community college.

Whatever it is that we want to change requires only that we do something now. Fear scatters in the presence of honest, committed courage the same way that darkness vanishes when we turn on a light.

Just remember: Life-controlling fears and worries never just "go away." We beat them or they beat us.

Sometimes things are ahead and sometimes they are behind;
Sometimes breathing is hard, and sometimes it comes easily;
Sometimes there is strength and sometimes weakness;
Sometimes one is up and sometimes down.

Therefore the sage avoids extremes, excesses, and complacency.

--Lao Tsu

Handling depression in recovery is a lot like tiptoeing through a minefield, so you'd better do it right.

Advance planning can help. Because when you're depressed, you don't always recognize depression for what it is. You get so used to feeling down or defeated that depressed feelings start to seem like Business As Usual.

That's what makes depression so potentially deadly. You don't even know it's there. You think it's just the way things are. Or you think other people are doing it to you again.

So you bite your lip or slump in front of a TV or just sit on the hurt or anger or disappointment, and unconsciously chip away at the foundations of your recovery.

What else is there to do?

Well, for starters, you can begin to be aware of depression for what it is and beware of it for what it can be.

Don't stand still and wait for it to grab you. And if it's already got you, make it turn you loose.

Here's the secret we always forget when we're down:

If you want to change your thoughts and feelings, change your actions. Get out and do something -- but not just anything.

Consciously choose what most needs doing in your life right now and do that. If your sink's full of dirty dishes, and you don't feel like doing them, do the dishes anyway. Need clean clothes but hate to do laundry? Do your laundry. Feeling tense or depressed but too tired to do anything about it? Pull out your running shoes and put in a few miles.

In recovery, we have to make a conscious point of reminding ourselves that there is no reality that matters quite as much as the one we create for ourselves.

So create away. Because a fundamental principle of taking control of your life is to realize that we are what we do.

And if we don't do anything, what does that make us?

The five colors blind the eye.
The five tones deafen the ear.
The five flavors dull the taste.
Racing and hunting madden the mind.
Precious things lead one astray.

Therefore the sage is guided by what he feels
and not by what he sees.
He lets go of that and chooses this.

--Lao Tsu

Lao Tsu's words may seem simple, but they're as difficult to put into practice in today's world as they were when he wrote them 2,500 years ago.

Because even though choosing this -- whatever's here, now -- seems an obvious, effortless path to personal freedom, it usually doesn't turn out that way. In fact, "choosing this" can seem downright impossible sometimes.

And nowhere in life is the difficulty more clear-cut -- and the need more compelling -- than during recovery.

In one way or another, your life has come down around you. You may be in jail, in a hospital, an unemployment line, or a divorce court, but you're probably in trouble, in one way or another, wherever else you might be.

Because a basic truth about recovery is that most of us don't do it without feeling we have to do it.

We either lose something (a marriage, a job, freedom, "sanity") or feel that we're about to lose something that we value just as much before the cloak of denial we wrap ourselves in starts to slip away. Then, by the time we get around to actually doing something about our problems with chemicals, we usually have a stack of other problems to contend with -- problems that can make "choosing this" that much harder.

Still, to borrow another ancient metaphor (also from Lao Tsu), a journey of ten thousand miles begins with a single step, and the single step we need to start with in recovery is in choosing where we are right now. Because if we haven't taken responsibility for being who we are, where we are, we're not going to get anywhere.

So take a moment now and choose this -- whatever your this is.

As soon as you finish this paragraph, close your eyes and look at your life exactly the way it is, with whatever problems and possibilities you've created for yourself. As soon as you're sure that you've chosen this exactly the way it is, and when you're positive about who's in charge of making things change, open your eyes.

Choosing this is closely linked with a secret of happiness that saints and sages have known throughout the ages: that contrary to what most of us think most of the time, happiness is not about getting what we want. It's about wanting what we get. And every time we choose this, the way things are, we move closer to wanting what we get, which is where happiness hangs its hat.

And the closer we move to true happiness, the closer we get to who we really are.